So many thoughts...

This weekend my daughter was off in our 15 passenger van to drive her friends to the BART station (Bay Area Rapid Transit) and then take that up to the city for the Walk for Life. I am at once elated at this generation of people who value life, and yet discouraged as FB friends express their dismay that these young people seen at the walk don't understand how hard fought this "right" for women is. They claim that without this "choice" women would be dying in illegal abortion clinics... it is their right to do with their body what they wish.

I wish these vocal FB women- ones who I suspect have not had an abortion (the women I know who have are usually very angry in their arguments or very sad)- would see the love of all life that we on the pro-life side, and especially these young people, have. Their love extends not only to the unborn, but to the mothers in crisis- the ones who have chosen abortion and the ones thinking about it. They have compassion for the hurt and loss these women feel.

I feel a special empathy for these women. As so many women that I know, I have had several miscarriages at all stages of development. I have held these little lost lives in my hand- each one different. Some looking like a little tadpole with arms just budding out, others more fully developed. Our little boy that we lost 7 years ago this month fit in the palm of my hand, yet he had all of his little parts- I even laughed a little after he was born when I realized that I really could tell he is a boy! His name is *Mathew by the way- spelled that way because my husband spelled it wrong, which also makes me laugh a little every time we visit the place he is buried. My compassion comes from understanding this loss. Some may say these women chose this- I say that they did not know. They couldn't have known. I can only imagine their suffering to be far greater than mine. And so, I feel a bond with them and a love and hope for healing.

This month is not only the month that we lost our little boy, but also the month that my husband and I celebrate our anniversary. As we approach our 32nd, I have been giving a lot of thought to our marriage. I would say that our marriage is successful in a very real way. I would attempt to glorify it, but on the off chance that one of my children read this, I'd be busted as being a fraud. We are the most human of couples- I always imagined reaching this point in life and having a deep rooted maturity. Not so, I regret to say. At our worst, we are no more mature than the average toddler. Fits are had, arguments take place, expectations rule the day... but we keep trying.

Years ago, my husband went to a mass that happened to have a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary. The husband was asked what the success to his marriage was due to. His answer was that couples are told that marriage is a 50/50 deal. He, on the other hand, felt that each person should give 100% to the marriage. That way, when one of the couple was not able to give his or her full portion, there is still enough to go around. Much of the success in our marriage comes, I believe, from my husband taking those words to heart. For so many years, through many trials and hardships, he has carried the 100% on his back- without complaint. Truly. And without keeping score. I am blessed.

Yup, that's us! :) 

*Mathew is a correct spelling- just not that way we had planned on spelling his name. :) 

10 Pro-Life Resolutions to Make in 2013

It's not too late for resolutions- right? Read this awesome article by an even more awesome young lady!! :)

http://liveactionnews.org/10-pro-life-resolutions-to-make-in-2013/

A Lenten Hodgepodge

I have been sort of tongue tied here this Lent. Really, here and on my other blog. I hit Lent with enthusiasm. But it has not been the Lent that I planned.

One of the things that happened this Lent was facing the loss of my unborn (aborted) niece or nephew that I mentioned in an earlier post. This was the first time that I have talked about it except to a very few close friends. Getting it out here was sort of a warm up for me. I have since been able to bring it up in other settings.

Going to the abortion clinic to pray has been an experience. I have renewed awe for those who do this regularly. I know that there are those fighting on the front lines day in and day out, rain or shine. I saw them there each time we went to pray, and I know they will continue to be there after the 40 Days for Life campaign ends. I confess that I will not. I don't see this being where we are called right now, but I know that we will be doing something. I don't know how our prayers may or may not change those who enter the clinic, but they changed me (us).

This last time at the clinic, James walked over to me with an odd expression on his face. "Mom", he said in serious tone. "I think they just need to go back to the way it was and make this illegal." I nodded. He began again in a more urgent tone. "Can't the President just do something about this?" Oh, how I wish.

One of the most interesting encounters we had was with a very angry young man. He walked through our little group and I could see the growing animosity on his face. He stopped in a driveway off to the side and called someone on the phone- perhaps the police as they passed two or three times after his phone call. He seemed agitated and angry and kept looking at our group. He decided to walk back by. He spat on the ground, let go of a few choice expletives, and walked right up to my son and another teen boy and heatedly asked what they were doing there and why they were not in school. Included in his" inquiry" was the "F" word among others.

This incident has been revisited a few times around here. My 11yo continues to include the "angry man at the clinic" in our morning prayers. I actually think about him often- it is so hard to understand the depth of anger that he showed. I can only imagine how he must be hurting. We were blessed with the opportunity through this short encounter to be "persecuted for Him". It has brought to life how Jesus must have felt to stand there in the face of that mob of angry people! This was a very small droplet in a vast ocean compared to that, but is been a wonderful illustration for my boys to hold on to.

On the calmer side of things, we joined a group of homeschool children and their moms to pray the stations of the cross at a local church last Friday. At first the children were shy to take a turn reading the stations, but as soon as one child stepped up, the rest were ready to go! It is so nice to pray the stations this way with all the little ones able to roll around at our feet and not have to be very quiet. Very children friendly!

Inspired by Tiffany's post about Lenten decor:

I found this table runner at a local craft boutique. I love it.

And purchased this little cross set. (linked on Tiffany's blog)

My granddaughter sweetly picked these little purple flowers for my birthday. It is the perfect Lent decoration. Beautiful and simple.

Our Lent "fortunes" sitting out.

I found a pretty purple ribbon to hang our banner with.

The boys colored some cross ornaments last year (or the year before) that we just hung up this week. .

There you go- I did say hodgepodge, right? On to Holy Week! Blessings to all! I will see you after Easter. 

Sharing...

Okay- deep breath. I am going to share something very personal. Not many people read this blog, but it is still it is difficult to share in this public way. But I feel moved to. Isn't it interesting how God works in our lives?  We were moving toward a happy go-lucky Lent (as much as Lent can be). Happy craft projects, maybe a few good works of mercy, but then God gives you (or rather me) a good swift kick in the tush.

I am going to begin with the most difficult part of this post: I have a precious nephew or niece who was aborted. It breaks my heart. It broke my brother's heart. He was the dad, and after he made that one fatal decision (his choice!) to be with the mom of this little life, there was no more "choice". At least not for him. It is harsh, but it is the truth.

So, here I sit with my growing boys. It was easy, for whatever reason, for me to talk to my girls about these things. I wanted them to have knowledge. I always knew that they could make poor decisions even if they were armed with that knowledge, but I wanted them to have an honest chance (one that I truly did not have) to make fully informed decisions for their life. Talking to my boys about these things has not taken the same natural course. Which brings me to this Lent.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I knew God would provide the perfect Work of Mercy for us this Lent- one that would be far superior to anything I could plan. Our homeschool group signed up with the 40 Days for Life campaign to pray weekly for one hour at a local Planned Parenthood that provides abortion services. Being the reserved person that I am (really- despite blogging, I am an introvert), this is not a natural fit for me. But I felt moved to participate.

There are so many reasons- for those sweet babies, for those dear moms who are so scared that they choose death over life, and for my boys. I need to open the lines of communication with my guys. They need to see that they can make a difference. I also pray that God grants them graces for joining in with such great enthusiasm. I so desperately don't want them to be one of those men who give up their "choice".

The experience, so far, has been... interesting. My boys are little confused. Mind you, we pray peacefully. The signs we hold are gentle signs. Nothing gruesome. Today, a women screamed from her mini van (with her own children in it) that "you children should be in school" and then added a few swear words in. There were several other incidents like this one. My boys can't understand why anyone who feel anger toward what they are doing.

Thankfully, there was also a young construction worker (guessing from truck and dress) that gave the nicest toot, a big smile, and a thumbs up to the boys. I should mention that the boys want to be right out there with their signs. A few times, I thought my 8yo looked on the verge of tears. I tried to talk to him- he said that "it is okay mom, I am okay". Good enough.

One of the dear ladies who was with us today took a moment to talk to my boys after. I don't remember all the details, but she explained how she prays for those people who are so angry at us. She really spent a few minutes talking to them and I could tell it took the edge off for Mark and James.

So, here we are. Fully into Lent. It is just once a week, but I feel like this is our Lent. Praying for those babies. Learning to put ourselves out there. For those who are on the front lines, I know this is just a baby step, but it is a step.

I had a thought today as we were driving home. My brother passed away about 8 years ago. I just realized he must have met (in some way even though I know we can't understand it) his precious little one. It does not make what happen to his baby any less horrific, but I can't help but to be comforted by this!

I feel ever so less-than-articulate (even less so than usual!) in this post, but truly felt the need to write this down.

God Bless You during this very special Lenten season!!