Looking at my then boyfriend, I was taken aback by his casual attire- shabby shirt and jeans with holes in them. Add to that his longish hair at the time, and his vibe was a bit more "beach bum" than "Sunday best". I immediately stopped and said something about it. Future hubby said "no worries". I pointed out that we were meeting his MOTHER in church. He said that it was okay, she would be happy to see him. I had my doubts.
We entered church as it was about to begin. No sneaking in quietly. He is from a big family and moving around the pew to make room for us as everyone was standing for the entrance hymn was no small feat. Future hubby's mom looked over and saw him and... just like he said. She beamed. There was no reproach in her look as she reached over to give him a big hug. He was totally and completely accepted and loved.
That message has stuck with me all these years. It is one that I have shared more than once. I often think- when my children walk toward me, what do they see? Is there criticism in my look? Do they see love?
Would I rather my children always dress appropriately for church (and other occasions)? Do I wish they would always behave? Of course I do. Will it make a difference if I heap criticism on them or constantly show disapproval? Maybe. I doubt it though.
On occasion (perhaps more often than I should), I do say something to my children about how they are dressed. Not necessarily because I want to be critical of my children. It is because I want them to make good choices. I want others to see them the way I do. When a young lady attends church in less than modest attire, I know that others are NOT seeing the beautiful person (showing a slight lack of judgement) inside. As for holes in the jeans... well, sometimes hubby still has them!
Still, I always try to remember my husband's mom and the joy on her face at seeing her son join her at mass with her regardless of his attire. I fall short at times. I can honestly say that I don't think my husband's mom ever has- no matter what, her children are a source of joy to her and her love for each of them shows when she is with them even today.
It is something to strive for!
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4 comments:
Laurie, I think this is an excellent point! I agree that we want others to see our children as we do, so it's so easy to often point out what they are doing wrong. I know I am quick to find fault and overlook the good things. Thanks for the reminder, sounds like you have a wonderful MIL. Happy Mother's Day!
Laurie, Happy Mother's Day. This is a nice reflection. We all hope to make our children feel loved and we do so even with the way we look at them and talk with them. I'm sure that pew moment told you alot about the love your husband's mother has for him.
What a wonderful post and a great reminder of what is truly important. I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day! Thanks for visiting my blog and for your kind comments. God bless! :-)
It's a sad day when your parish priest has to write a letter regarding the need for modest dress attire in your church bulletin. I just read it in our church bulletin and felt bad that he felt our congregation needed this advice. He specifically addressed inappropriate amount of cleavage and bare bellies. He's said it as part of his homily in the past and now it's in the bulletin.
I'm totally fine with casual at church but not indecent.
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